Thursday, 9 February 2012


Yeah Gidday (tryin’ tae mug up oan ma kiwi accent)

Anyway, no sooner have ah arrived than off they go – the pair o’ them, and tae Scotland of all places.  Here’s me jus’ settlin’ in and they’re up an’ oot.  Anywise ah was left with Sara and frankly if ah wisnae a dog and just ane foot high ah’d marry her.  Ye see, ah hid this wee leg strain (from chasin’ they cats) and ah thocht ma leg wus broke.  Well, it wisnae but Sara just treated me so right – aff tae the Vet was I, x-rays oh yes, no expense spared.  Must’ve cost Ma and Pa an airm and a leg (gettit?).  Anyway serves them right – leavin’ me like that.  At least ah’ve got Sara (I think it may be love).

Back they come all fu’ of themselves – “how’s ma wee boy?” They says.  I gave them the cold shoulder (sma’ as it is) and so did Baxter except he’s deef and hadnae noticed they’d gone (and wus back).  Sky couches, tapas in Madrid, wine fair at Lord’s Cricket Ground (Nursery End), Winchester Cathedral, Liverpool and the Cavern (fab eh!), rellies and freens in Glasgow, St Andrews (home of golf), Melrose (home of seevens) and London (home of the Tukie Embra – go on say it).  Business trip, some business trip, distributors, wholesalers, retailers - pull the other leg.  Actually don’t – ah’d fall over.  Ah kin tell a jaunt when ah see one.

“If music be the food of love, play on”.  Aye, me an’ the Bard are best mates.  “Let loose the dogs of war”.  Och aye that’s me right enough.  So, this week ah’ve got all these new freens – come up frae Wellington tae perform Twelfth Night right here at home.  Well, it’s ma favourite Shakespearian play.  Think ah’m jokin’?  Well just haud on.  Ah’m as cultured as the next man (dog).  Ah know ma Shakespeare and this is the best.  Thing is there doin’ it doon by my pond where ah go swimming, well up tae ma oxters.  They’ ve got this 1920’s theme – flappers, straw hats, boas and Noel Coward songs.  It’s really good – “Heaven, I’m in heaven.”

I wonder if Sara wid dance wi’ me??

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